Scared

Even while we were still thinking about getting pregnant I was getting nervous.  As the due date is getting closer, I'm starting to freak out more and more.  I am terrified of having a repeat csection experience.  Terrified!  If it goes badly again, this will probably be our last baby and I really don't want that.  I'm hoping for four kids.  A person can only take so much trauma.  It really messed with me and made many things... uncomfortable to deal with.  I still replay it over and over in my head and recall all the awful little details.  "Women forget the pain of childbirth"  bull-fucking-shit!  I call a B.S. on whoever made that crap up.  I can tell you every terrible part in painful, gory detail while I'm crying my eyes out and lash out at anyone who so much as attempts to touch me how much lying horse crap is in that saying.  Perhaps fools forget.  I will never.

source

Please for the love of whomever, don't let me feel anything.  Please, oh please, let the drugs work.  Please.  Please let this happen without traumatizing me too badly.

Pretty please?