Naughty Princess

That's me, the naughty princess. I've always been a dirty little freak. Those who know me can readily attest to that fact. Now I can safely say more people know. It all started yesterday. 

I was having some pain in my left breast. You see, I'm still producing milk. Im just an over-achiever like that ;). For those of you who don't know, having a clogged milk duct hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. And can quickly develop into an infection called mastitis. Including full body aches and pains, a fever, vomiting, general feeling of crappyness and that you are dying. It's truly that miserable. And I had the beginning of that. 

What's the cure? You might ask. Massage the breast while baby is nursing. I have a little problem there. My baby stopped nursing over a year ago. My dear husband doesn't roll that way. But massaging does usually work to eliminate the problem. 

I wrote a funny little post to my husband saying, "My left boob hurts. Come rub it for me."   Dirty but relatively innocent enough. We are a married couple after all. And with two children. It's no secret that my tits have been played with. Apparently someone was offended enough by my comment to my husband that they flagged it. They reported it to Facebook. 

That irked me. It was like a slap in the face. A boob. One left boob. I asked my husband to rub it. Not fondle. Not grope. Not suck, lick, bite, fuck. I asked him to rub it. Admittedly, I did not explain why but I didn't want to. I thought it'd be funny. And kinda naughty. But just barely. 

Since I was a little miffed and feeling rather frisky I decided to post a pic of some serious cleavage. Not something I'd normally do but also not something shocking if done by other people. I flashed the camera in a black bra that was not see through. The pic was cropped above the nipples so there was no freaking way it could possibly be visible. I showed less skin than if I was wearing a swimming suit. 

They flagged it. Now I'm pissed the fuck off. 

The next day I flooded my page with half naked images from various Facebook pages. These images were very risqué. Extremely naughty and dirty and kinky. Not one was flagged. They weren't even shocking. 

I posted another picture of myself with a towel covering my body. What you could see was the same skin that would be visible if I wore a tube top. Again, they flagged it. 

Why? Am I that offensive? Is me showing both shoulders so much worse than the lady from Sports Illustrated whose nipples were clearly visible? If they were so repulsed by me why not unfollow or unfriend me?  I have to believe if they know how to report an image then they know how to unfriend a person. 

To the flagger, whomever you are:  you've succeeded in making me feel cheap and unwanted for a while. Thanks bunches. Lucky for me I'm a strong woman who knows my value. I bounced right back. 

I would love for you to let it be known who you are. Don't be a fucking pussy. I won't harass you as you have done to me. I won't try to hurt you as you have tried. I would like to know who you are so that I may cut you out of my life forever. I want to know your face so that I know never to look your way again. 

I deserve to have better people than you around me. You are nothing to me. And your opinion of me will never matter. 

I will continue to post pics of my breasts because they insist on jumping up into view. I will continue to share images about sex because I love to fuck. I may one day post a pic of me in a swimsuit because I will be proud of my body. Not ashamed. 

If I have learned anything from today it's that I'm perfect as the kinky freak I am. So you, Little Bitch, can fucking suck my tits. ;)

I'm F-ing losing it.

Keep in mind this must happen or I will become so overly dramatic the world will undoubtedly end.  So within the next 11 days we plan on

#1  Completely cleaning the downstairs apartment.  Dirty yucky druggy people used to live down there.  This includes: 
removing all garbage - holy cow is there a lot of garbage.
vacuuming the floors - probably multiple times
shampooing the carpets - I'm interested to see the final color.
scrubbing the walls/baseboards/all surfaces - *whole body shudder*
patching holes
painting
clearing out the basement attachment of crap
pouring concrete slab
building and hanging back door

#2  Moving all of Debbie's things downstairs into newly cleaned and prettified home.  This includes:
running phone and cable lines
boxing up and moving all dishes, food, bedroom and bathroom items, dressers, etc.
setting up her computer, tv, etc.

#3  Rearranging our new home.  This includes:
moving me and Justin into Debbie's old room - bed, dressers
rearranging the kids' room - take bed out, put bed in, move bed around, shake a hokey pokey or something.
bring everything for Bailee out of storage and set it up in kids' room
put clothes into dressers and hanging in closets
move bookshelves and hutch to new locations in the house - not an easy task.
clear out back room so everything is accessible
buy dishes, silverware, etc. that we need.
put everything in it's proper place in the kitchen - includes dishes, silverware, food, etc.

#4  Because we think we're super human we're going to throw in paint entire upstairs.

#5  June 2nd @5pm - Attend Stephanie's bachelorette party.  This puts a hold on house-to-home production.
#6  Get together with Samantha and take maternity photo's
#7  Afternoon of June 5th - Go to doctor's pre-op visit, take hospital tour, meet with anesthesiologist to ready for surgery and Bailee.
#8  June 10th - Attend Kallee's baby shower.  Yay for babies!!!!

#9  June 11th - Go to hospital and have a newborn.  Bring her home to a home and not just a place where our crap is.

And that about sums up my list of "how to stress yourself out to the point of breaking".  A HUMONGOUS thank you to my Mom and sister, Samantha.  They have been coming over to help clean the downstairs and thank you, thank you, thank you.  11 days people.  This all must happen in 11 days ...or else.

Anyone want to come over and help?  I don't have much but I'll make you a cake or brownies or something.

Washer Safety

I just talked to Justin yesterday about this and now there is an article.  I'm ahead of the game.  And wouldn't you know it, it was an Oregon family.  Hits a little close to home. 

Jasper often helps with the laundry now.  We hand him clothes to put in the dryer and he stuffs them on in.  He'll also hand us clothes to put in the washer.  Well he was helping me with laundry and I was explaining that we put the soap in to make the clothes clean and fresh.  After it was turned on he leaned over and tried to touch the water.  I believe someone showed him this and let him do it.  Jasper also climbs into the dryer now. 

I nagged at Justin and told him never encourage Jasper to play in the washer or dryer again.  They are not toys!  Justin says it wasn't him who showed him the washing machine "fun" so I'm guessing it was Debbie.  Dryers can be dangerously hot and washers can drown.  Jasper can help with chores but he needs to learn safety first.

source

In Justin's defense I laughed the first time I saw Jasper in the dryer.  Justin was just showing me what Jasper discovered on his own.  I mean, it was cute as heck.  But then I pulled him out and said "no-no it's not safe" which made me the total bad guy.  And I felt guilty because I laughed which made it seem like it was a good thing to do.  Bad Mommy moment.

*Note:  I have problems with the above image.  I'm not a fan of her setting the kid on top of the machine and then leaning around him but I can get over that part.  It's not a huge deal.  However, the cleaning products right next to the child are a gigantor no-no.  No way, José!

Some may accuse me of being overprotective or silly or whatever, but here's the kicker:  My kid, My rules.  End of discussion.  Do you think it's okay for kids to splash in the water of the washing machine?  What about climbing into an empty dryer?  Your thoughts won't change mine but I'm curious how others feel about laundry room safety.

Violent Imagination

Few people realize how much of a bitch I can be. Which surprises me. Often times, when a person is pissing me off this song plays on repeat in my head. And all my people have a dance rave to it while we stomp your face in and hurt you. Hurt you very, very badly. The torture I've imagined is brilliant. So today's disturbed thoughts of violence are dedicated to that special bitch who can't help but piss me off every chance she gets. I hope it makes you smile, too.

A Pet Named Peeve

People who know me well and even those who don't, know that I get annoyed pretty easily. Here are my top irkers. I was inspired tonight when some of them had me doing the wrinkle-nose-and-squint-eyes face.

1. When the toilet paper faces in instead of out.

source - funny post that is spot on.

2. When there is a kink in the toilet paper roll and it makes a "thud thud thud" as you unroll it.

3. If the trash is full, do not keep piling crap on. What do you think is going to happen? A magic garbage fairy does not come by, remove the trash spilling over and put it in another bag. That's ME God damn it and I hate it! Be an adult and do it your damn self!

4. Even more teeth grinding... If the trash bag has been closed up some, DO NOT put garbage on the outside of the bag.

source

Nothing pisses me off more than if I have to touch someone else's garbage.

5. Chewing your food loud enough I can hear you. I don't care if it's crunchy, your nosed is stuffed up, the food is too hot, whatever. No excuses.
6. Leaving the sink nasty. This includes but is not limited to: hair, facial hair, toothpaste, spit, toilet paper, pools of water, band-aides, anything else you decide to put in or around the sink so others can see it.
7. Believe it or not the dinner table is not a place for crap. It's for food and family dinners. Not a storage for all the extra garbage or recycling that you're too lazy to take out. Or for that matter is it a place to put shit because you don't want to take the time to put it in it's proper place.

A place for everything and everything in its place. I love this saying. It means nothing in this house. I suppose that's it for now. My home has been a rant inducing mess lately.

I refuse to admit I could be a contributing factor.

source

I have to pee

There are just some things you do not do to a pregnant lady. For instance, you DO NOT wake a pregnant lady up and then dominate the bathroom so she is unable to use it. No pregnant lady should be forced to hold it after waking up from a (rare) good nights sleep. I'm surprised this isn't a law already. Should this happen again, I will not be held accountable for my actions.

source

Except I can guarantee I was not smiling all cutesy when I had to hold it.

New Look

Hope you enjoy the new look as much as I do! I haven't been blogging much lately because of computer problems. I was having so much trouble doing the simplest of posts. It was driving me bonkers. So I switched from Internet Explorer to Firefox. Problems solved. What browser do you use?

Brave Kid

This was too powerful not to share. Hope it moves you like it did me.



We will raise our family to stand up to bullies and lend a hand to the bullied. Kinda like an emotional Robin Hood. :)

Fail

I'm working on updating my blog. I realize it's the opposite of spectacular right now. I'll fix it tomorrow. I'm freakin' exhausted.

...and I'll actually put the effin music up tomorrow as well.

Someone hit the EPIC FAIL button.

Ulgh.

Super Problems

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Slap Happy

Warning: Foul language ahead.

Don't you wish you can just bitch slap some people and say, "What the FUCK are you thinking?!" In my head there are a lot of violent scenes playing out. Like little side clips in a movie. Then you snap back into reality and you're like, "Damn...that didn't really happen? Damn."

Happens to me all the time. So when you see me fuzz out of reality, know that I may be having a fantasy about you. And chances are, it's not looking good for you at all.

D-Bag

Warning: Foul language ahead.

The other day we were laying in bed talking about the future and I told Justin I didn't want to get too happy. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It dropped.

It's okay, baby. Mommy and Daddy will find an even better house to call home.

We received a letter from our landlord saying we have 30 days to get out. I'm fucking pissed off! This house that has finally started to feel like a home is no longer ours to live in. I was looking forward to living here the next five to six years until we bought our "forever home". I was looking forward to walking on our private beach every day with Jasper. That's not an option anymore.

I know, dude. Mommy feels the same way.

I feel like we were taken advantage of. It is our belief that the landlord knew this would be coming. He insisted on twice monthly inspections with pictures to make sure we weren't ruining anything. There were a few other odd occurrences. We think he had at least a hint of an idea that our tenancy would not last longer than one year. What a jerk.

I feel so stupid. Like we should have known or been more cautious with him. But noooooo. We jumped in, trusted the douche bag, got a big dog and now we are fucking screwed.

So now we are house hunting again. Looking for a rental that will work for us. Wish us luck. We could use some.

Pepiska

Warning! Today's post has some funny but lewd names for the male penis. Some swearing as well. So if you are an old hob goblin who never laughs and doesn't enjoy the occasional stick in the ...hidey hole (take your pick), then kindly pass this post. You're not my kind of people anyways.

Ladies and gentlemen your movie reference for the day.

The movie Heartbreakers, Sigourney Weaver playing Russian Ulga, man statue, movers break said statues manhood off, Ulga is upset about broken "pepiska" and no longer wants insanely expensive statue.

And now back to your regular unscheduled blogging.

Bottom line: foreskins are fun. Hella fun. And they look awesome. Natures perfect package: packed with excitement, keeps other parts clean and moist, protects the whole tackle, springs into position for sex and puts itself away at night. And the price can't be beat - one free with every boy! I found that last bit here but I wouldn't go there if I were you. I don't remember how I came to that website but I thought what the guy commented was funny so I copied it.

I'm sure he'll absolutely love me for this later but we decided not to circumcise Jasper. I don't care what other people do. I'm not a Rumpleforeskin advocate or preacher. It's your families business not mine. This was the best decision for our family. First of all, it was unwise/unsafe to circumcise Jasper when he was born. Two pediatricians advised against it. Well, they refused actually but it's not like we pressed them to do it.

After thinking it over...and over and over and over, we came to the realization that we weren't doing it to better Jasper. We were doing it because it's just something that everyone does. When has that ever been a good excuse to do something? Ever? Hmm, a story comes to me about jumping off a bridge because friends are. Doing something because it's trendy has never sat well with me.Another issue with it? Jasper's say so or lack thereof. If he would like it done when he's older and can tell us, me and his Daddy will be more than happy to do all of the leg work, scheduling, and paying for it. No problem. Or we'll sit back and let him handle it. Or we'll be completely in the dark and never know what happened. The point is, it's not our choice to make. It's Jasper's.

The ludicrous notion of, "But it'll hurt more if you wait 'till he's older". I'm damn positive that a person willing to make a decision like having your Beefy McManstick snipped can put up with a little burning sensation when he pees. You think a newborn is better capable of handling the pain? A six month old? A toddler? At Jasper's six month visit it was still ill advised for us to circumcise him. Not that we were going to, the doctor just wanted us to be aware. He would have to be placed under general anesthesia. Little sirens are swirling in my head and lights are flashing "Danger, danger!". I'd never voluntarily take that risk with my baby.

I also hear, "It's not clean" a lot. Wash your winky. There, now it's clean. Gross people. Take a flippin' shower. For the ones worried about how clean it is, I wonder how often they go through the "trouble" of cleaning their naughty bits. I'm guessing they don't if they are willing to believe that uncircumcised men have raunchy, festering one eyed monsters living in their shorts. For crying out loud people. It's just as clean, likely cleaner than your nether regions.It's soap. Visit Soapyho at etsy.

Babies are born perfect (usually). No alterations are required.

*Super snotty, news caster voice*
Thank you for listening. This has been a public rant from Tayia C Perkins.

p.s. Poor Jasper. A public rant about his wiener.

Okay, while looking for some witty clip art that I am seemingly unable to find I came accross this Mommies blog. She says it smoother than I did. I get frustrated by idiots.

If you'd like a hilarious but dirty minded laugh, go here and read all the names for a penis.