Part I

This is part I of my III part story finding love. I wrote this before I met Justin. Right after I fled from California. I was depressed, alone, lost and hurt.
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It's hard to dream
Of a love unchained
When all you see
Is hope afraid.

Scorned and spurned
I stand alone.
Trusting no one
A forgotten rogue.

-
Let's break it down shall we?

It's hard to dream of a love unchained-It was almost impossible to believe in love. I hadn't seen a good working relationship. I was doubtful true love existed. Any kind of loving relationship seemed impossible between family or friends.

When all you see is hope afraid-My parents relationship. It was volatile and often abusive both ways. Sometimes it spilled over to include me and my sisters. When I lived in California, there was so much anger in the relationships there. Could anyone be truly happy? As soon as things looked brighter, as soon as people became happy, rage would bring out the storms.

Scorned and spurned-People hurt me. Hurt me in aweful ways that I'm still, to this day, trying to get over. My Dad told me,"You're to much of a bitch for anyone to ever love." Ouch. A guy once did some bad things(later if I'm brave enough I'll explain.) I'm lucky enough to have found an amazing man who has helped me to mostly get over these fears.

I stand alone-Pretty easy interpretation. I was all alone. I had no one to talk to. No one to help me break free. I was drowning in my sadness.

Trusting no one-Again easy to get what I was meaning here. I trusted NO ONE but myself. People will fail you. Always.

A forgotten rogue-Forgotten because I was left behind. It seemed like no one cared enough about me to at least get me help. No one even knew I was so hurt and broken inside. Rogue because after being so stupid to let myself get hurt, I went rogue. Pissed, furious, vengeful, hateful and never trusting anyone. I was on the outside, I put myself there and that's the way I wanted to keep it.